Farewell

My journey on the road to searching myself and who I am, is almost about to reach its climax. It all began exactly 2 years ago with the death of my grandma, and now, on the very same date she passed away, I am about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. Hajj.

It's a little weird how the initial date of my departure, was to be on the 9/10th of September. But the date, due to visa issues, was moved back to the 19th, the very date, 2 years ago my grandma died. It is as if, Allah has chosen this date, to remind me of where and how my journey began, to remember death as I embark on what could be a life changing experience.

Firstly, ever since the day we buried my grandma, there has not been a day that we have not visited he grave. Snow, rain, sun whatever the weather, we have always visited. It has always felt to me, because of these visits, that she has never truly left us. For the first time in exactly 2 years, I will not be visiting her grave for an entire month! Not going to say it won't feel strange, because during today's visit, I could already feel that I would miss it.
Visiting the graveyard gives me a sense of escape from the world. It reminds you of your ultimate destination and I would urge anyone, even if they do not have a member of the family that has already deceased, to frequently visit graveyards. Life to me, is death. It is death that has made me change my way of lifestyle and living, arguably for the better. I can say today, I am a better individual than I was 2 years ago in all aspects of my character and personality.

"When Ibrahim (peace be upon him) completed the structure of the Ka'bah, Allah commanded him to call the people to Hajj. Ibrahim (peace be upon him) pleaded, "O Allah! How shall my voice reach all of those people?" Allah told him that his duty was only to give the call and it was up to Allah to make it reach the people.
Ibrahim (peace be upon him) then climbed Mount Arafat and called out in his loudest voice, "O People! Verily Allah has prescribed upon you Hajj, so perform Hajj."

Allah revealed in Surah Al-Hajj, (22:22)

"And proclaim the Hajj among mankind. They will come to thee on foot and (mounted) on every camel, lean on account of journeys through deep and distant mountain highways."

I'm not going to sit here and say I'm really excited, in fact I am petrified! To imagine all these centuries later, I am on the very verge of responding to that call, is quite daunting and to imagine the scale of what I'm doing, makes everything seem so surreal! 

"Here I am O Allah, (in response to Your call), here I am. Here I am, You have no partner, here I am. Verily all praise, grace and sovereignty belong to You. You have no partner."

The words that will echo around the whole of Makkah and to be a part of that, will be magical.
In essence, I have no idea what to expect. To stand in the very places where our Prophet s.a.w once stood, and where the revelation first came down, I am utterly lost for words! There are so many places I want to visit and see and so many things I want to do, I just don't know where to begin!

And of course one of the most important things to me during this journey, is the chance to receive ultimate forgiveness! I wasn't the guy who you all may thin I am today. I have had a very dark past; one I would do anything to rectify. Not only will this journey allow a fresh start, but Allah is providing me with an opportunity for me to start afresh! No one, including myself can hold me back from my past, and all I can focus on is my future! I have met some amazing people in my life; some who I have no contact with anymore an some that I do. As for those who I don't have contact with, they will all be in my duas without a doubt and as for those who I do have contact with, I hope you all remain in my life because one thing I don't deal well with, is losing contact with those whose company I love most. And believe me, I am very cautious about the company I keep.

But all in all, this blog post has been a bit all over the place I know, but from the bottom of my heart, I hope you all make dua that this journey will be a successful and life changing journey for me, one that will help me become a decent person at the very least! You will all be in my duas and if I do have free wifi at the hotel I'm staying at in Makkah & Medinah (I expect to!), you shall all be receiving the low down from Saudi!  

Who knows, this may be the last journey of my life, farewell..